"Living at risk is jumping off the cliff
and building your wings on the way down."

- Ray Bradbury

Monday, March 21, 2005
i'm starting to hate computers! arghs! the stupid system to so super duper ultra slow dat i'v waited for more than 1/2hr n it's STILL just not processing. damn it! :( n the dumbest thing is, i went to ask the china man wad to do, den he said in chinese, "just wait til it moves." okay den. *waitwaitwaitwaitwait....*

Sunday, March 20, 2005

using the com at my new work place.. just finished wad i was given to do so the china man who taught me to use the system say i can do wadeva i wan. at least, for now lah. haha 2day's my 1st day, intro-ed by my ai ren :P earn $6.5/hr, whole day just sit down in front of a computer n type a 5-digit no., enter, J, S, O, O, enter, esc, esc, esc. dat's all. need to practice typing other letters so must blog once in awhile. haha damn boring but it's a slack job. damn boring but got gd pay. most of all.. really damn boring. haha bleahs :)

Friday, March 18, 2005

hey shifu, thx for always being arnd dis 5yrs, for hearing me out when i'm down, for helping to sort out my feelings when i'm confused,... actually, just thx alotalotalot for being the really nice shifu to dis tudi :) -hugs-

sumtimes i feel as if i bring unhappiness upon myself by thinking too much. u din reply my last msg last nite n i guess u went to slp. anw mayb the real prob is with me. mayb the prob abt her got worse after i talked abt it to 2 of my gd frens who both happen not to have much liking for her so it kinda made me more biased n troubled over it when it may turn out to b nth.

but somehow i think the way i'm feeling abt her can b justified. i dunno how much u noe abt the things dat happened between me n her but i think i'm just really sick of it to the point where i really do not wan to have anything much to do with her if i can help it. i dunno y i'm always tangled up in a mess with her tho i really nv meant to. lyk i said yday, i really feel as tho i got myself out of 1 web n suddenly just find out dat i'v stumbled into another bigger web. it's lyk she's stuck on me n i cant get her off.

it's not dat i hate her or wad cos i dun. i just dun understand the reason behind her actions n words so i cant help thinking dat she's not wad she seems n talking to mutual frens only serve to convince me better so. u said u still dun really noe me dat well n neither do i really noe u v well yet but isnt the getting-to-noe-u a part of being together? but anw wad u said triggered some burning qns in my mind dat i'v been dying to ask u ever since i last talked to her.. do u think u noe her better than u noe me? do u think she noes u better than i do? do u think u'd b happier with her?

i dunno if she reads my blog n i seriously do not care. in the last 2yrs, i'v alr tried my best to avoid crossing paths with her, simply bcos i dunno wad else she'll b saying to me n i'm not terribly excited at the thought of talking to her cos 1/2 the time, i dunno whether or not to believe her. there'v alr been instances where she told me things dat i later found out to b untrue so i'v learnt to b skeptical abt the things she tells me.

but anw, the other day when i met up with her n some of the other girls, there were a few times when she said things dat implied dat she noes u better than i do n dat u'r more comfortable with her than with me. py was sitting just beside me n she also felt dat dat was wad she was really trying to say. it's lyk, come on lah! even if wad she's saying is true, she doesnt need to b rubbing it in my face over n over again. i noe u'v been classmates n gd frens for lyk 2yrs so i can accept it if u n her r closer than u n me at dis pt in time. i just dun think she's really DAT blur enuf not to realise dat wad she's saying isnt exactly sth dat i'd b v happy to hear. so now u basically noe wad's the prob.

i din wan to tell u at 1st cos lyk i said, i noe u r close n i dun wan to wei2 nan2 ni3 or wad. i also din wan to end up sounding lyk i'm being ridiculous or i'm trying to sow discord, n was afraid u'll say sth along the line of "she's not dis type of person" cos i noe i'll get pissed off n dat's not wad i wan. sumtimes it doesnt bother me n i'll just brush it aside n think "mayb it's nth lah", but sumtimes it really irks me dat i dun noe wad's the problem or wad is really going on. pls try to put urself in my shoes n try to understand how i feel. let's say.. u used to lyk ST but she got tog with YC, YC n i r v close, u noe we lyked each other, ST n YC broke up, he comes n tell u dat he noes me better than u, blah.. it's just not v nice to noe, even if all dis doesnt mean anything. do u c?

for me, if i dun tell u, it'll just b lyk.. having a stone in the shoe. sumtimes u can walk along fine without feeling it tho u noe it's there, but other times, u keep stepping on the stone n it hurts ur foot so much til u just hafta stop walking n shake the stone out. yah.. if u get wad i mean lah. anw since we'v started talking abt it, mayb we shd just finish the conversation n c where it leads us to ba. i dun lyk the feeling of keeping things from u anyway.

i'm really fine with u 2 being close frens n i'm not jealous of ur closeness but i think the fact dat i noe u lyk(ed) each other b4 bothers me esp now dat she n k broke up n she's here telling me all the stupid things n i dunno wad she's trying to do. i dun understand y we always kinda seem to lyk the same guys and/or have some sort of connection with the each other in one way or another. i also dunno y u nv tried to take action in j1 but i think most prob cos she was attached? i dunno lah. i dunno if she knew u lyked her but i din tell her, i wun tell her n i hope she nv noes cos i just dun wan her to noe! bleahs.

when i woke up 2day, i cldnt stop thinking abt everything. was thinking dat since she's lyk "there" 1st, if u still lyk her, she still lyks u, u r closer n noe each other better, den mayb i shd just rang4 bu4 ba. but den i felt vvv upset at tot of it n got even more upset when it suddenly just dawned on me dat i love u too much to bear to give u up now, but wad if u were nv really mine?...

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

i'm really sian man. haiz.. dunno wad i wan to study so i cant apply for uni yet. went NUS openhse n some girl told me psychology's more of a sci than arts thing n i luked thru the textbk. it's got bio stuff inside!!! den how? i nv do any bio since sec2 so i'm lyk q apprehensive abt it now :(

business.. i dunno. haha i'm fine with it i guess. econs.. heard it's not easy n i'm just plain lazy to work too hard n write essays all the time lah.. so, i'm also not too sure abt taking econs. uh.. wad else.... geog? yah i lyk geog but study geog den come out of uni do wad? haha lyk a bit farny.

my uncle told me to go join police force after i'v completed my studies. haha i'v tot abt it b4 so i'm q okay with the idea. he say gotta go camp train for 9mths or sth lidat, only can book out on weds for 5hrs, n saturdays. i think so lah. sth lidat. not dat i need to noe the details NOW wad. yup i wanna join CNB! but 1st, i gotta decide wad to study. haiz..... :(

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

really love lots n truly feel so loved!

Friday, March 04, 2005

hm.. got AAB, GP B3.. wld'v been v happy actually.. but somehow, i cant help feeling just a little bit of disappointment cos i expected A for maths but i got B. dunno leh. just dun really understand y cos i felt really gd abt the maths paper. but okay lah. was so happy dat i got A for geog n disappoint ms ting; really pleasantly surprised with the A for econs; glad n relieved dat i got b3 for GP so i dun hafta take entry exam or sth when i go uni cos i think b4 n below gotta take it if i'm not wrong. yup :D

to those who did well n r happy with their results, congrats pple! the A's n results n all has finally blown over! no more worries n nightmares abt getting terrible results lyk the stupid BCE i dreamt of.. at 1st i tot i'd b reallyreallyreally happy if i do well enuf to please my parents n myself but after awhile, i feel dat it's not really a v big deal. not as if i got 4As n distinctions for 2 'S'papers n A1 for GP wad. haha yah.. so i'm not dat smart but it's okay. i dun think i worked hard enuf to get such grades anw. no need to b greedy :P

to those who din perform as well as u'd have lyked, cheer up! i can understand how u all feel cos i think my O's results were q lousy n was upset for some time abt not being able to fulfil my 'dream' of getting to RJ arts. but looking back, i really enjoyed my time in NJ n miss it lots ever since graduating. so mayb at the moment u feel as tho ur dreams r shattered, but mayb there's sth better waiting for u? i suppose nth dat i say (or any1 else for dat matter) will make u feel better unless u come to realise it urself dat there'r other alternatives dat may not b as bad as u think. but just rem dat there'r many ppl arnd u who care abt u so turn to them when u feel lyk u need a listening ear or just a warm hug yah? :)

Thursday, March 03, 2005

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive

-Lifehouse
You And Me

haiz i'm going crazy! it's 3am n i still cant get to slp! (not dat i tried to go to slp cos i noe for sure i cant!) arghs.. dis sux. cant find the stats for nj's A's results for last yr so i went to take a luk at vj's since it shd b abt the same. it's not bad. 90+% A-C for all (if not, most) subjs so dat's really not too bad i suppose. but i DUN WAN any Cs! i only wan As n Bs. no. i only wan As. hahaha but i'm fine with a B or 2. just dun give me anything worse than BBB.. BBB's alr q disappointing cos got no A.. haiz.. plsplspls.... at least 1 A n no Cs is all i'm asking. which basically means it's AAA, AAB or ABB.. is it too much to hope for? haha mayb lor.. haiz i feel lyk i'm talking to myself. haha

the other day i dreamt i got BCE which totally sux. if i get BCE, i can kiss uni goodbye. i dowan to go poly n i think i CMI even if i retake A's so i really haf no idea wad i'll do. my sis said dat if u dream of bad results, u'll do well in real life. dat's not v comforting i tot.. just a theory she came up with n insist is true for her. haha

i'm freaking out i'm freaking out i'm freaking out! haha i cant help it. there's no1 left online so i'm just freaking myself out on my blog. hahaha sumbody slap me. arghs.. i think i'll go even crazier later when i get to sch. i'll probably have a terrible stomachache n my hands will turn icy cold. haiz.. wonder how they'll give the result slips out.. shifu says the result slips hafta b torn open to c so yah.. dat's gd. i wun wan to accidentally c my grades when i'm not ready. haha must have xin li zhun bei 1st.. but i seriously dun think i'd ever b ready to tear it open.. haiz life sux!

Your Brain Usage Profile:

Auditory : 50%
Visual : 50%
Left : 66%
Right : 33%

you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant with a balanced preference for auditory and visual inputs. Because of your "centrist" tendencies, the distinctions between various types of brain usage are somewhat blurred.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor, unless it requires total spontaneity and ability to improvise, your weaker traits. However, you are far from rigid or overcontrolled. You possess a degree of individuality, perceptiveness, and trust in your intuition to function at much more sophisticated levels than most.

Having given sufficient attention to detail, you can readily perceive the larger aspects and implications of a situation or of learning. You are functional and practical, but can blend abstraction and theory into your framework readily.

The equivalence of your auditory and visual learning orientation gives you two equally effective sensory input systems, each with distinctive features. You can process both unidimensionally and multidimen- sionally with equal facility. When needed, you sequence material while at other times you "intake it all" and store it for processing later.

Your natural ability to use your senses is also synthesized in your way of learning. You can be reflective in your approach, absorbing material in a non-aggressive manner, and at other times voracious in seeking out stimulation and experience.

Overall you tend to be somewhat more critical of yourself than is necessary and avoid enjoying life too much because of a sense of duty. You feel somewhat constrained and tend to sometimes restrict your expressiveness. In any given situation, you will opt for the rational, and learning of almost any type should be easy for you. You might need certain ideas explained to you in order to fit them into your scheme of things, but you're at least open to that!

haiz haiz haiz results out tmr.. oh no oh no oh no!!! hahaha going crazy.. so many pple msg me abt it 2day to say gd luck or just to tell me they'r scared too.. i'm just vvv worried cos i'm expecting to do q okay. wad if i'm disappointed AGAIN? haiz.. stupid O's made me sad for so long. suxsuxsux

checked out nj's website to c if they'v the past yr stats for A's but there's nth much so i went to take a look at vjc's since it's arnd nj's standard i guess. haha anw they'v more than 50% with 3 A's n above. so nj shd b abt the same too lah. 50plus% isnt too bad i suppose. i dun really noe where i'll stand. hopefully can get 2As or more.. haha crap. i wan all As but who doesnt.. -shrugs-

if i dun blog for a long time after dis.. means i nv do well lah. or mayb it's just cos i did too well, celebrate until 4get to blog liao. haha *fingers crossed* :D

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